The Great Mouse Tournament

This past weekend Jack, pluffei, and I caught a mouse in my apartment.  Props to Jack for stunning the mouse.  How did he do it?  Well long story short, the mouse,which was about 2.5 inches long, ran behind some of Jack’s text books.  Jack gave a powerful kung-fu kick to the books stunning the mouse and possibly breaking some of its bones.  From there it was pretty easy to pick it up, put in a bag, and then take it outside.  This whole ordeal gave me the idea of a “Great Mouse Tournament,” which would pit some of the most well known mice against one another.  It’s absolutely silly, but nonetheless, I still want to do it.  Alright let’s take a look at our 16 contestants and the bracket.

Alright let’s break this down.  The obvious #1 seeds are two of those most recognizable rodents; Mickey Mouse and Pikachu.  Mickey is the face of a billionaire dollar empire; Pikachu is the face of the Pokemon franchise.  No debate here.






The #2 seed’s were a little moar difficult to pick out.  The panel ultimately chose Jerry Mouse and Master Splinter.  Jerry is on the second tier of recognizable fictional mice; plus, no mouse is moar violent.  Master Splinter is a rat.  We decided to throw in rats since they’re basically larger, uglier mice.  But anyways, Master Splinter is a rat who knows martial arts and lead four radical ninja turtles.  That’s got to count for something.






The #3 seeds were Freya from Final Fantasy IX and Nezumi from the currently running show No. 6.  Freya is from Burmecia, the kingdom of rat people.  She’s a badass dragon killer.  Nezumi is a human, but we chose him since his name means “rat” in Japanese, and he employs the service of three little mice.  A stretch? Perhaps but this is for fun remember.  We placed these two below Jerry and Master Splinter because of name recognition.






The #4 seeds were Mighty Mouse and Speedy Gonzales.  Mighty Mouse is a superhero mouse; however, he is placed below the top seeds because his super hu–err super mouse strength isn’t so super in retrospect.  Speedy Gonzales is the fastest mouse in the world, but unfortunately, you can’t run away in a tournament of champions.  Therefore, he’s a #4 seed.






The #5 seeds were Pinky and the Brain and Mouser.  The Brain is indeed a genius; normally, he would be seeded higher.  However, since he and Pinky function as one unit, and since Pinky is a dumbass, the unit suffers as a whole.  Mouser is bomb chucking mouse who wears sunglasses.  Coolness is not a problem.  What is a problem is that he’s a side character, and Mario pwns his ass pretty easily.







The #6 seeds are Matthias from the book Redwall and Despereaux. Matthias is a great warrior and defends his homeland from the rats.  But in the context of this tournament, his prowess pales in comparison to some of his opponents.  Despereaux is also a great warrior who overcomes odds to save a human princess.  Impressive! But like Matthias, his accomplishments don’t quite stack up to the other mice in this tourney.






The #7 seeds are Remy from Ratatouille and the Chu Chu Rocket mice from the game Chu Chu Rocket.  Remy is a great cook but that doesn’t help much in battle.  Hey it’s better than being an #8 seed right?  The Chu Chu Rocket mice are diminutive but are powerful in large numbers.  Mouse Mania!







The #8 seeds are Stuart Little and Jack Guo.  Need I say moar about these two? Yes Jack is not a mouse, but he sure acts like one sometimes.







Ok now let’s see how each round played out.

Mickey advances over Stuart. Hardly a challenge. Might Mouse prevails over Pinky and the Brain.  It was a great battle of Brain vs. Brawn until Pinky screwed it up for his partner.  See?  Freya easily triumphed over Matthias.  Her Jump attack was OP.  Jerry dispatched Remy.  With an anvil.  And other assorted objects that look like it would hurt if you got hit with them.

Pikachu took out Jack with one Thundershock.  Poor Jack (not).  But wait! Master Splinter was upset by the Chu Chu Rocket mice! Our panel voted 2-1 that the Chu Chu Rocket mice were too many in number for Master Splinter to handle.  Mouse Mania! Nezumi’s match with Despereaux barely lasted a minute.  One simple knife throw did in poor Despereaux.  Oh well.  Speedy Gonzales ran circles around Mouser.  He’s not much of a fighter, but he was able to cleverly plant a bomb behind Mouser.  Mouser never saw it coming.  Speed rules in this case.

Let’s see how the quarterfinals played out.

Mickey advances over Mighty Mouse.  There’s a reason he’s a #1 seed.  Freya pulled the upset over Jerry by using her Dragon Crest ability.  Jerry just couldn’t cut it with dynamite.  In the bottom half of the bracket, Pikachu used Agility to keep up with Speedy.  Then he dispatched the Mexican mouse with a few Thunderbolts.  Sorry Speedy.  The Chu Chu Rocket mice continued their improbable winning streak George Mason style with a thrilling down-to-the-wire battle with Nezumi.  Unfortunately, Shion appeared at the end and distracted Nezumi, and the Chu Chu Rocket mice exploited that opening leading to a win.

I wonder what the results of the semifinals are?

The two #1 seeds made it to the Final.  Mickey used the power of Disney World to overcome Freya.  Pikachu sent the Chu Chu Rocket mice packing with a explosive Thunder attack.  The two giants will now face off for the title of “King of Mice.”  One shall stand, one shall fall…

And out from the war-torn battlefield emerges…PIKACHU! Mickey was going toe to toe with Pikachu thanks to his various skills; he used his wizard skills and his Keyblade skills and his painting skills, but alas, Pikachu was just too electrifying.  The yellow rodent reigned supreme thanks to waves of thunder attacks.  As Ollie Williams once said, “IT’S GONNA RAIN!” Congratulations to Pikachu!

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  1. Pingback: Guoventures #1: Movin’ Out » Moar Powah!

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