Manic Movie Magic: 84th Academy Awards Predictions Part One!

Ah, yes, the time has finally arrived. Oscar Season! What, did you think I meant the Super Bowl? Who cares about sweaty guys mauling each other when you’ve got the subjective judgment of billion-dollar art?

…okay, so the Super Bowl is just as popular, but I have no clue how you even play football, let alone how to appreciate it.

So, who will win? Who will lose? Until we know for sure, here is some of my analysis on the matter, and my picks for Best Movie of Year.

 Now, the biggest category is best movie of the year, which is so hotly debated, it might as well get it’s own little article. I may not have seen every movie, but I do know  fair bit about each, so I’ll give you my predictions!

The Artist – The Art Movie

Chance of Winning: High

For those of you who chose not to see this movie because it was in black and white, and without sound, really missed a treat with this one. In a season of rather disillusioning movies, this one really lifted my mood and is so wonderfully composed and thought out, and creative. I really think it’s got the heart, soul, and all the right ingredients to win the Oscar this year, and it’s certainly one that didn’t follow the crowd.

The Descendants – The Mid Life Crisis Movie

Chance of Winning: High

I haven’t seen this one, cause it was a mid-life crisis movie and I’m twenty. My ilk watch terrible comedies and not-scary scary movies to subdue suburban boredom, not ones about men whose cancer patient wife cheated on them. But, apparently it was very touching and well written, and that’s really all a film needs to be considered good, even great. And it has some powerhouse performances, to be sure, so if it doesn’t get best picture, it might get other Oscars for best performance.

 

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close – The “Hot Button Topic” Movie

Chance of Winning: Low 

I didn’t end up seeing this film because…I had other things I wanted to see, and it wasn’t a priority. Then it somehow got nominated, and there’s only one reason why. If you will recall, two years ago, the film The Hurt Locker was nominated for its depiction of warfare in Iraq, and no one though it would win – but it did. But here’s the difference between the two; The Hurt Locker was good. This movie? No one seems to even like it, which is very odd. Maybe it’s too soon to talk about 9/11. Maybe it’s just an awful movie.  Whatever it is, it’s probably not going to win.

 

The Help – The White Person Feel-Good Movie

Chance of Winning: Medium

Let me preface with this, I very much loved the book, and enjoyed the movie. It is not, like every critic who slumped in their seats during the whole film, a movie about a white person jump-starting the Civil Rights Movement in Mississippi. That was the real-life assassination of Medgar Evers…which the film shows. All Emma Stone does is give the women an outlet for their voice – they had to make the decision to talk about their experiences on their own. Still, you can’t deny this is like the new “White Guilt Feel Good” movie, but it’s a really good one. Sadly, though, it’s probably not going to win either simply because it’s been labeled as a chick flick, and those never win… except for Shakespeare in Love but we don’t talk about that anymore.

 

Hugo – The Surprise Contender

Chance of Winning: ???

Again, not a movie I saw, but I heard it was actually beautiful and really uplifting for the spirit. But here’s the thing, it’s got too major factors against it. Its main claim to fame is the stunning visuals, and it’s a kid’s film. Kid’s films never win this award…ever… However, because of it’s unique nature and wide-spread acclaim, there is still a chance it could win, I’m just not sure how much of a chance.

 

Midnight in Paris – The Historical-Fantasty (Ish?) One

Chance of Winning: Low

I don’t know who in their right mind thought to include this movie in with the rest but I can assure you, they were trolling. It’s not that this movie was a bad movie – in fact it was very enjoyable, and I don’t even like Woody Allen all that much.  But it just doesn’t seem like the type of film anyone would nominate for anything, let alone the Oscars. Again, it’s not bad, but it doesn’t seem special.

 

Moneyball – The Sports Movie

Chance of Winning: Low

Moneyball is a film about the revolutionary new way of playing the game of baseball first used by the Oakland A’s, starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. While I will admit that is one of the better films I have seen this year, it’s just not inspirational enough, or really even life-changing enough, cause the Oakland A’s still suck. If maybe this is been the second coming of Rocky, it could have stood a chance, but as it is, there’s just no way.

 

The Tree of Life – The “Wait…What?” Movie

Chance of Winning: Not a chance (And really? TWO Brad Pitt movies?)

Tree of Life falls into the Oscar category of movie that confuses everyone on just how it got nominated. No one really saw, or knows what its about, it’s an artsy film which really no one has ever heard of. And guess what? Those are exactly the types of movies that never win. Every. Single. Time. The Oscars have technical awards for a reason – the best movie in technical skill usually doesn’t win the big prize, because it has to be a well rounded movie, which this one is not.

War Horse – The Animal Movie

Chance of Winning: Pretty Low

Here’s the thing: it is a lovely movie? Yes, if you like animals. Is it a good movie? Hell no. And all the warm fuzzies for those big black soulful eyes mean jack shit at the Oscars. It’s just a movie that is trying to make you feel, but that’s not enough to make it stand out in any significant way, despite its popular source material. Also? Animal movies never win. Except Babe…we’ll never know what exactly they were high on, but it must have been awesome.

 

Stay tuned for next week when I will discuss my predictions for the Best Actor/Actress, and Best Supporting Actor/Actress awards!

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Starshine5050

As just a regular, hard-working work, often-stressing, procrastination-mastering history and journalism student, I often turn to the silver and small screens for relief, even though I'm only an average cinema-and-television loving viewer, commenting on what, and does not, makes good entertainment. I love horror everything - book, TV shows, games, movies - even though they frighten me terribly. I'm a long time believer of the old saying "When life gives you lemons, don't take life's lemons! Give the lemons back!" So, onward I go, returning lemons and logging an unhealthy amount of screen time for your enjoyment. So please be sure to read my stuff and let me know what you think, I'm alway looking to improve and be the best, most cynical critic I can be!

Latest posts by Starshine5050 (see all)

Starshine5050

As just a regular, hard-working work, often-stressing, procrastination-mastering history and journalism student, I often turn to the silver and small screens for relief, even though I'm only an average cinema-and-television loving viewer, commenting on what, and does not, makes good entertainment. I love horror everything - book, TV shows, games, movies - even though they frighten me terribly. I'm a long time believer of the old saying "When life gives you lemons, don't take life's lemons! Give the lemons back!" So, onward I go, returning lemons and logging an unhealthy amount of screen time for your enjoyment. So please be sure to read my stuff and let me know what you think, I'm alway looking to improve and be the best, most cynical critic I can be!

2 Comments:

  1. I highly disagree with your assessment of Midnight in Paris. The movie was beautiful from start to finish, had amazing acting, an exceptional soundtrack, wonderful costuming, brilliant writing…there probably isn't a single thing I find wrong with the movie! Will it win? Perhaps not, but I'd say it has a fairly high chance.

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