Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them: Heart Attack Pie

Sometimes…

You need to release your inhibitions and feel the rain on your skin. (Literally. Today was really, really rainy)

Sometimes you need to stop kidding yourself about that diet and about losing ten pounds in one week.

Because let’s face it, we’re only human, we only want to be happy.

And you can’t spell happy without “heart attack” somewhere in between.

Okay it does not look pretty, but never trust a book by its cover -- or a pie by its mess

Now the beauty of this pie, besides being called a heart-attack, is its simplicity. Basically, we’re making an ice-box cake, an American invention wrought by creative housewives who wanted to make a convenient dessert. Some enterprising individuals (*COUGH* Magnolia Bakery *COUGH*) sell ice-box cakes at around 5 dollars a pop, but let me tell you something, you don’t need to queue up in famous and chic little cupcake boutiques to get your hands on something that is really Americana at its finest. It’s in fact so easy to make that I’m going to call shenanigans on Magnolia’s part; it’s practically highway robbery!

And, if you really know your ice-box cakes, you’ll why they’re so easy to make: it’s just cookies and whipped cream sandwiched together in layers, and then left to settle in the back of the fridge.  The cream does wonderful, chemical things to the cookies and they all come together into a thick, luscious mass; something that’s cake-like but without all the fuss and work put into making an actual cake.

So that’s all it is, just a box of cookies and some whipped cream — Cool-Whip, Reddi-Whip, and so on — that transmutes through some mystical alchemic process into something that is pure magic. (Aw yeah)

Unfortunately, I’m sad to admit that this treat is nowhere on the “healthy foods you should eat daily” list. It’s something that comes out very rich, and kind of heavy; don’t expect to shovel platefuls of heart attack pie in one sitting. BUT, if you’re pressed for time and you’ve got company coming, or you’re eager to get your whipped-cream-beating-arm into shape, or you’re just in the mood to indulge in something for yourself…

Then this is definitely the quick-and-easy-lemon-squeezey dessert that I guarantee can fix a cruddy day.

So without further ado – let’s get started!

Ingredients:

Cookies of your choice; basically you’re aiming for a thin cookie. I used Tate’s Chocolate Chip Cookies, but the classic cookie choice are these hard-to-find Nabisco Chocolate Wafers (Think the cookie part of an Oreo). I’ve heard these elusive creatures nest in Gristedes, but I’ve never seen them. Alternatively, you can be boss and make your own cookies thereby controlling the sugar ratio and the subsequent healthiness of this dish

One carton of heavy whipping cream

1-2 tablespoons Sugar and vanilla to taste; again, you can control the amount of sugars that you subject your body to as long as you make your own whipped cream! Which, by the way, isn’t hard at all as I’ve demonstrated quite a few times actually…

Okay, to start off here’s a cool and neat tip on making whipped cream (Which is something that I’ve made on this site like, several times before but I don’t think I mentioned): Freeze your mixing bowl and your whisk/egg-beaters/whatever you will be using to make the cream for 10-20 minutes before you start mixing

What does this do?

Uh

Well

Just do it; it’s a good idea it keeps the emulsion of cream and air (because you’re pretty much just whipping air bubbles into the cream which then makes it fluffy) stable? It doesn’t liquefy so easily? We’ll go with that.

ANYHOW – pour out your whipped cream into your mixing bowl and with your whisk or, if you’re fancy and have a well-equipped kitchen, with your electric mixer (which makes this job a thousand times easier) start whipping away. You want to have a steady hand and you don’t want to let your mixture sit, keep whipping it up until soft peaks form or whenever you have the desired consistency that you want…. But make sure it is not a liquid and is thick to work with!

So I've actually made more handmade whipped cream this year than I ever have in my entire life - no regrets, seriously

Once you have it whipped to your liking, that’s when you pour in your vanilla, your sugar, and fold it in gently.

And that is the hardest part of this recipe (YAY)!

Now the next part is very easy, even for those of you who can set boiling water aflame. Simply take a few cookies, put them in the bottom of some container of some shape and form that won’t leak, and then layer whipped cream on top of that. Repeat until there are no more cookies, and then cover liberally with whipped cream; that’s why I refer to this as a “pie” instead of a cake, because it’s not covered all the way around but merely piled on top of each other.

And with that, dump it in the fridge and let it sit for a couple of hours or, preferably, for much longer.

When I made this pie, starshine and I had company coming over and they were uh, quite eager to try it out right now so we ate it after one and a half hours of it sitting in the fridge. So it was a little crisper than I would have liked it, but it was devoured and savored, and, eventually, demolished completely. Much to the silent screams of agony of our arteries – a cry that went unheard in favor of much wanton gluttony and rapture.

Delicious, sinful simplicity

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Fenrir

A would-be anthropologist, writer, food historian, and professional glutton hoping to combine fandom with her love of food. Ever wondered what a nug tasted like? Is butterbeer alcoholic? If you've asked such questions and are already drooling at the thought of a big old plate of lembas bread, then you're in the right place

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Fenrir

A would-be anthropologist, writer, food historian, and professional glutton hoping to combine fandom with her love of food. Ever wondered what a nug tasted like? Is butterbeer alcoholic? If you've asked such questions and are already drooling at the thought of a big old plate of lembas bread, then you're in the right place

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