With New York Comic-Con less than a few days away, let’s take this opportunity to explore the annoyances, frustrations, and bewilderments we all experience when dealing with the massive crowds of antisocial neckbeard-ed gremlins that compose most con-goers. You may say Oh Tarabisu-kun, that’s how Fox News would describe con crowds if given the opportunity, con crowds are much more diverse than that desu ka ne masu kara kyun~. Shut it up, weeaboo. We’ve all been in denial about this but every con has its signature funk that pervades the hall on its final day, an ultimate accumulation of the fat, abrasive, creepy individuals with their cameras filled with sexy cosplay photos (that they will inevitably masturbate to furiously post-con). This smell is so potent and deadly that governments secretly only allow conventions to happen at all just to harvest it as biological weaponry. This, and other insidious outcomes of attending a con, can be prevented if you follow this simple guide on how to not ruin it for everyone.
By now, everyone on the Internet knows more or less who or what Kyuubey is – the adorable looking alien from the mega-hit anime Puella Magi Madoka Magica that will grant your wishes in return for your service as a magical girl (apparently, no boys are allowed) fighting off witches that cause depression, suicide, and all types of terrible awful things. And yes, the implicit deal is all types of messed up since we find out later the conditions are way more terrible than implied by said cute alien making these contracts, who just wants to help save the universe.
But is Kyuubey as evil as he/it seems? Or perhaps his plan far, far more dastardly than ever imagined? Let’s take a look at some facts. (AND BE FOREWARNED THIS THING IS LITTERED WITH SPOILERS)