Jan 242013
 

Time for a Thursday throwdown, because the verbal viscera is gonna fly on this week’s Moar Powah – Objection! 

Silverwolf: Hello everyone! Silverwolf here with Inverseman and Tarabisu to discuss the question that’s on everyone’s minds: who will be the best starter of Pokemon Generation 6? I’ll be defending the most awesome of all: Froakie!

Inverseman: I beg to differ. Fennekin trumps all.

Tarabisu: You are both illiterate fools for Chespin is the clear choice.

Silverwolf: Ha! You’re both delusional. Let me begin. Why is Froakie the best? Let’s start at the top! He’s a frog! A frickin’ FROG! You know what other pokemon was a frog? Croagunk, the strongest Pokemon in existence! Anyone who played Generation 4 without a Croagunk should be banned from Pokemon forever.

Inverseman: I acknowledge the legitimacy of Croagunk’s family line but Froakie is a pale imitation of the great frogs of Pokemon history. The first thing I would like to call into question is design. Froakie has too many out of place round elements and Chespin is far too overdesigned, like Oshawott retyped as a grass. Fennekin takes a balance between both ideals of Pokemon aesthetic philosophy in his furry design. Just look at other longtime fan favorite Pokemon like Ninetales, Lucario, and the Eevees. Fennekin capitalizes on those very valuable assets and periphiary demographics!

Art by Fenrir

Tarabisu: While both of you squabble over the intimate details that ultimately hardly matter, allow me to take the high road and examine the issue from a wider scale. The world is overrun by disaster and what can be blamed? Grass? Some trees? Hardly, says I! While fire burns the forests and water swallows our villages, choosing grass is choosing the ultimate power of life, the most complex use of matter known in the universe. It only helps that Chespin is awesome and has a sweet hat. I mean, how many Pokemon even HAVE hats?

Silverwolf: I’ll tell you which! Probopass, the most offensive Pokemon ever! Clearly, all Pokemon with hats are some kind of stereotype perpetuated by villains.

Inverseman: He’s right! Think about Honchkrow and Ludicolo!

Silverwolf: Furthermore, let’s be real here. Every Pokemon game has HMs. Do you think Fennekin or Chespin can learn Surf? I DOUBT IT!

Tarabisu: Harrumph. I demand satisfaction for your booholly, fine sir.

Inverseman: Ah yes, moves.

Silverwolf: But of course, Froakie can be a Surf machine!

Tarabisu: What heresy is this! You squander the ability and sanctity of your starter with HMs? That’s what Krabbies are for!

Inverseman: You knaves fail to comprehend the mightiest of Pokemon. The problem is that you would trifle with an inferior Froakie to handle your Surfing duties when you can have a much more battle versatile Fennekin. Clearly he will evolve into a Fire/Psychic Pokemon, and Psychics have the widest movepools while fox Pokemon like Ninetales can easily learn unique moves (Energy Ball perchance?). This means my Fennekin will be a superior soldier on the front lines, incinerating your Chespin’s final form while electrocuting your Froakie’s final form with a mighty Thunderbolt or drained by Energy Ball, which all good Psychics can learn in their infinite arsenals.

Art by ~In-The-Machine

Silverwolf: Surely you jest! Everyone knows Fennekin is doomed to be another worthless Fire/Fighting type! Just watch as he gets smashed apart by the Psychics you value so highly, as well as “mighty” Flying types like Chatot!

Inverseman: You FIEND! THE WORTHLESS CHATOT?  And what dare I say, do you surmise your weakling’s final extra type to be? You too, hedgehog lover.

Tarabisu: Guh! I detest your foul nature, brute. If we look at the statistics based on lunar projections, the final form of the dear Chespin will likely be a new type yet seen by Pokemon fans cross the globe. Imagine Almighty magic from Persona, a type that none are weak to and is always effective. Chespin will, undoubtedly, come to rule all the Pokemon under a fierce gaze, high on his tower. And I shall be at his side, laughing for a wonderful eternity.

Art by トト_あけおめ

Silverwolf: A NEW type? You speak madness! The chances of GameFreak changing the game AT ALL are nearly minuscule  Why, if we look at Pokemon, every game is basically exactly the same!

Inverseman: Hah, and the “new” type would most likely be Light, which we all know to be Fighting and typeless moves have Normal, which is used by the grand Arceus and his Judgment.

Tarabisu: Do you not see? Chespin is the son of Arceus! Brought to Pokemon land in a humble form, to teach us all the wonder of the great being. And he is bestowed with the greatest of power. It is foretold.

Silverwolf: OK guys, I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve forced my trump card.

Inverseman: Do tell, I wish to hear thine flimsy intellect.

Art by AudGreen

Silverwolf: Well, let me break it down for you. As everyone can tell, Pokemon Generation 6 is set in a land similar to our world’s France. What do hedgehogs and foxes have in common? That’s right! Both live in England, arch-enemy of France! This means, by choosing Chespin or Fennekin, you mark yourself as a vile criminal who seeks to destroy society itself!

Tarabisu: Perhaps I wish to overtake France! I’m part British, you know…

Inverseman: And I wish to sing the praises of Britannia! ALL HAIL BRITANNIA! Alas, you have forced my hand. My ultimate Trap.

We all know that realistically the only Pokemon to have a chance at the OU tier is Fennekin’s family. Fire starters have the most powerful starter Pokemon like the powerful Blaziken and the nimble Infernape. Barring the failure of Emboar, we know that Fennekin’s chances on this gamble, in spite of a Stealth Rock weakness, are the highest should he be a swift Pokemon. But even if Fennekin is banished down to UU or below, there he will raise hell and hellfire for Chespin and Froakie’s final forms. Either he will soar above your subpar monsters or he will dominate them where they stand.

Tarabisu: Ha. Trivial gobbledygook in the grand scheme of things. Chespin has a funny hat. He’s the happiest of the three. Also he has a vengeful soul that will eliminate all who stand in the way. I dare not defy his words, and thus he will be my choice.

Silverwolf: Heh, your arguments are weak and paltry. All glory to Froakie, the once and future Pokemon King! Someday, when you’re allies Fennekin and Chespin lie beaten, you will beg for Froakie’s mercy…and ye shall have none!

Ending note: For anyone who didn’t get it by now, this post is intended as humor. Given the dearth of actual information on Pokemon X and Y, most of what we said is ridiculous speculation. Except for the part about Froakie, of course, everyone knows he’s the best!

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Inverseman

The Inverseman is an evil overlord from an alternate dimension representing humanity's anti-existence who masquerades as an aspiring high school teacher.

  9 Responses to “Objection! – The Best Pokemon Generation 6 Starter”

  1. Sorry guys Fennekin is the best end of story

  2. I automatically pick Froakie because it's a Water Type and I always pick Water Type Pokemon as my starters every time I pick up a new Pokemon game.

  3. […] Which Generation 6 Starter will be best? […]

  4. Chespin has a hat. Need I say more?

  5. It's cool how every starter was now accounted for — haha, although I am curious now, Inverseman:
    How do you feel about the whole 2 starter thing? :0 And a Torchic too!

  6. Heck, I think it's great! Game Freak is really making gen6 a total blowout with one Kanto starter in addition to your chosen Kalos starter. They're really playing the "herp-derp imma 90s kid/millennial" hype to the max and it's working. I give an A+ to the marketing team.

    The DLC Torchic is like gravy on top of all of this, especially since gen3 has such a cult following from the fans that started with "Ruby and Sapphire", which happen to be most fans ages 20 and under interestingly enough. But hey, now you have three starters, one of them is a Torchic and lALL OF THEM MEGA EVOLVE. It's a great way to teach players to build good teams (one fire starter, one grass, one water) or just be balls-to-the-wall and choose like Fennekin, Charmander, and obligatory Torchic. Because that is the best idea in all of Pokemon forever.

    • Excuse you I am playing up team Fire-Fire-Fire with a Honedge for sure haha
      But yeah, their marketing is smart — especially since nostalgia-wise and arguably money wise the kids that started with pokemon in the 90s and have the dough to shell out of the game are going to buy it with the 3-Kanto starter hype, and then of course, the next crowd would be the 3rd gen crowd who are starting to creep into the 19-20 range and arguably ALSO have the means to buy the game

      It IS fascinating to me that it seems to pander to the older audience this time around; it's a given that the young kids will buy a pokemon game, but there is some interesting people-our-age specific pandering I feel xD

      • Young kids will always buy a Pokemon game because of its core concept: run around and explore with your best buddies who are the coolest things since sliced bread. Parents will buy it because Pokemon is a trusted franchise and that's what all the cool kids like. When it comes to pandering to our audience though, it's an interesting grab. This game was already going to sell like hotcakes, even to those gewunner hipsters who always preach that gen1/2/n (where n is your first Pokemon game) was the best, so gen6 doesn't have the already running hype train, it has the friggin' 7AM express.

        Game Freak is right on time with two Pokemon generations that have hit 10+ years for nostalgia-factor. Both happen to be in an age demographic that packs more disposable income and yet we devolve into teenagers that shout "Shut up and take my money!" at the drop of a MegaZard.

        I feel like it's rather lucrative. Something about [at least] our generation cannot seem to shake childhood and with that disposable income, it makes us ripe for the picking. (But that's not going to make gen6 any less awesome) So we're our own marketing machines in a lot of ways. Maybe generations before us were just like this so it's nothing new or perhaps it's something new because we arguably don't have the same trials of our predecessors (e.g working factory jobs, no college)? I can't really tell but it really does make me want to ask how older generations were back when they hit their 20s.

      • I'm going to put on my pop culture analysis/culturally anthropology skills to the test and assume it has to do with a new general acceptance for geekery. Some geeks wear their geekdom with pride on their sleeves, and a new Pokemon game that is pandering to us–arguably the first gen of Pokemon–is going to sing to our hearts, in a way.
        Also need to remember that vidya games are relatively… new ish? It's always had a fiercely devoted following, imo, with the oldest of old video game fans kind of clinging to it; our current 20-something year old gen still haven't grabbed onto the whole "TIME TO GROW UP" ideal of maybe our parents (And let me tell you something–parents who are fans of cult hits like Star Trek or Star Wars will STILL cling to it and keep in touch with it)

        Like okay even my own mother who has her accolades in medicine was a certified geek growing up and though she doesn't have the time to read comics and sci-fi/fantasy novels like she did before, she will pop through my Hobbit book once in awhile and is just about as excited for any new Peter Jackson movie as I am. "Growing up" or "growing out" of these kinds of things–I don't think that's anything for markets to worry about, because there is a childlike spark in all of us, and hey, if it was your Thing before, it is likely you might go back to it, even out of nostalgia.

        So, I don't think Gamefreak has to worry about its fanbase "growing out of it"; again kids will always buy it because it's now become so entrenched as a "trusted" brand of safe-for-kids-and-fun games, and there will always be us, and any subsequent gen that grew up with Pokemon, to keep shelling out for it. It's… Kind of genius, actually o A o;

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