Time for a Thursday throwdown, because the verbal viscera is gonna fly on this week’s Moar Powah – Objection!
Silverwolf: Hello everyone! Silverwolf here with Inverseman and Tarabisu to discuss the question that’s on everyone’s minds: who will be the best starter of Pokemon Generation 6? I’ll be defending the most awesome of all: Froakie!
Inverseman: I beg to differ. Fennekin trumps all.
Tarabisu: You are both illiterate fools for Chespin is the clear choice.
Silverwolf: Ha! You’re both delusional. Let me begin. Why is Froakie the best? Let’s start at the top! He’s a frog! A frickin’ FROG! You know what other pokemon was a frog? Croagunk, the strongest Pokemon in existence! Anyone who played Generation 4 without a Croagunk should be banned from Pokemon forever.
Inverseman: I acknowledge the legitimacy of Croagunk’s family line but Froakie is a pale imitation of the great frogs of Pokemon history. The first thing I would like to call into question is design. Froakie has too many out of place round elements and Chespin is far too overdesigned, like Oshawott retyped as a grass. Fennekin takes a balance between both ideals of Pokemon aesthetic philosophy in his furry design. Just look at other longtime fan favorite Pokemon like Ninetales, Lucario, and the Eevees. Fennekin capitalizes on those very valuable assets and periphiary demographics!
Art by Fenrir
Tarabisu: While both of you squabble over the intimate details that ultimately hardly matter, allow me to take the high road and examine the issue from a wider scale. The world is overrun by disaster and what can be blamed? Grass? Some trees? Hardly, says I! While fire burns the forests and water swallows our villages, choosing grass is choosing the ultimate power of life, the most complex use of matter known in the universe. It only helps that Chespin is awesome and has a sweet hat. I mean, how many Pokemon even HAVE hats?
Silverwolf: I’ll tell you which! Probopass, the most offensive Pokemon ever! Clearly, all Pokemon with hats are some kind of stereotype perpetuated by villains.
Inverseman: He’s right! Think about Honchkrow and Ludicolo!
Silverwolf: Furthermore, let’s be real here. Every Pokemon game has HMs. Do you think Fennekin or Chespin can learn Surf? I DOUBT IT!
Tarabisu: Harrumph. I demand satisfaction for your booholly, fine sir.
Inverseman: Ah yes, moves.
Silverwolf: But of course, Froakie can be a Surf machine!
Tarabisu: What heresy is this! You squander the ability and sanctity of your starter with HMs? That’s what Krabbies are for!
Inverseman: You knaves fail to comprehend the mightiest of Pokemon. The problem is that you would trifle with an inferior Froakie to handle your Surfing duties when you can have a much more battle versatile Fennekin. Clearly he will evolve into a Fire/Psychic Pokemon, and Psychics have the widest movepools while fox Pokemon like Ninetales can easily learn unique moves (Energy Ball perchance?). This means my Fennekin will be a superior soldier on the front lines, incinerating your Chespin’s final form while electrocuting your Froakie’s final form with a mighty Thunderbolt or drained by Energy Ball, which all good Psychics can learn in their infinite arsenals.
Art by ~In-The-Machine
Silverwolf: Surely you jest! Everyone knows Fennekin is doomed to be another worthless Fire/Fighting type! Just watch as he gets smashed apart by the Psychics you value so highly, as well as “mighty” Flying types like Chatot!
Inverseman: You FIEND! THE WORTHLESS CHATOT? And what dare I say, do you surmise your weakling’s final extra type to be? You too, hedgehog lover.
Tarabisu: Guh! I detest your foul nature, brute. If we look at the statistics based on lunar projections, the final form of the dear Chespin will likely be a new type yet seen by Pokemon fans cross the globe. Imagine Almighty magic from Persona, a type that none are weak to and is always effective. Chespin will, undoubtedly, come to rule all the Pokemon under a fierce gaze, high on his tower. And I shall be at his side, laughing for a wonderful eternity.
Art by トト_あけおめ
Silverwolf: A NEW type? You speak madness! The chances of GameFreak changing the game AT ALL are nearly minuscule Why, if we look at Pokemon, every game is basically exactly the same!
Inverseman: Hah, and the “new” type would most likely be Light, which we all know to be Fighting and typeless moves have Normal, which is used by the grand Arceus and his Judgment.
Tarabisu: Do you not see? Chespin is the son of Arceus! Brought to Pokemon land in a humble form, to teach us all the wonder of the great being. And he is bestowed with the greatest of power. It is foretold.
Silverwolf: OK guys, I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve forced my trump card.
Inverseman: Do tell, I wish to hear thine flimsy intellect.
Art by AudGreen
Silverwolf: Well, let me break it down for you. As everyone can tell, Pokemon Generation 6 is set in a land similar to our world’s France. What do hedgehogs and foxes have in common? That’s right! Both live in England, arch-enemy of France! This means, by choosing Chespin or Fennekin, you mark yourself as a vile criminal who seeks to destroy society itself!
Tarabisu: Perhaps I wish to overtake France! I’m part British, you know…
Inverseman: And I wish to sing the praises of Britannia! ALL HAIL BRITANNIA! Alas, you have forced my hand. My ultimate Trap.
We all know that realistically the only Pokemon to have a chance at the OU tier is Fennekin’s family. Fire starters have the most powerful starter Pokemon like the powerful Blaziken and the nimble Infernape. Barring the failure of Emboar, we know that Fennekin’s chances on this gamble, in spite of a Stealth Rock weakness, are the highest should he be a swift Pokemon. But even if Fennekin is banished down to UU or below, there he will raise hell and hellfire for Chespin and Froakie’s final forms. Either he will soar above your subpar monsters or he will dominate them where they stand.
Tarabisu: Ha. Trivial gobbledygook in the grand scheme of things. Chespin has a funny hat. He’s the happiest of the three. Also he has a vengeful soul that will eliminate all who stand in the way. I dare not defy his words, and thus he will be my choice.
Silverwolf: Heh, your arguments are weak and paltry. All glory to Froakie, the once and future Pokemon King! Someday, when you’re allies Fennekin and Chespin lie beaten, you will beg for Froakie’s mercy…and ye shall have none!
Ending note: For anyone who didn’t get it by now, this post is intended as humor. Given the dearth of actual information on Pokemon X and Y, most of what we said is ridiculous speculation. Except for the part about Froakie, of course, everyone knows he’s the best!