Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them: The Blood of Angry Men Jello Things

Hey all and welcome to a relatively exciting edition of Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them! (We haven’t had some food in a long while it seems!)

Anyhow, tonight is Oscar Night for those of you who don’t know or who weren’t keeping up with Starshine’s Oscar nomination list. And with Oscar night and especially with friends in an art/film school means that some young and hip people will be throwing some fancy Oscar-themed shindigs. So get out your costume skills, try to dress up like characters from your favorite Oscar-nominated-film, and get out your wine, and itty-bitty sausages as you (and a good portion of art students) sit around and watch the proceedings.

Doesn't that look nice and bloody -- really, it smells like patria

Doesn’t that look nice and bloody — really, it smells like patria

But if I’ll be honest with myself, while I may be creative I am not particularly good at costuming. BUT, but, what I am good at is coming up with some kitschy, cheesy, and corny themed recipes. And with a hoard of food-dye leftover from some MLP-themed cupcake experimentation, I decided to support one of my personal favorite Oscar nominees–Les Miserables–and go the extra mile of 1970s convenience-food-recipes and potluck staples in order to come up with this nonsense: The Blood of Angry Men Jello Things.

It’s very patriotic. Long live the revolution.

Okay so this is only really funny if you know the Enjoloras-memes or maybe if you’re familiar with the musical itself. To try to help here is a video of the 10th Anniversary Les Mis Dream Cast performing this iconic (and ironically meme-able) song:

So yes, while we’re talking about flags and colors I figured it would translate well with colored jello — which is fun to eat, I swear. Especially when those layers of colored jello are interspersed with lovely, luscious layers of condensed milk.

Yep you heard me right, condensed milk; arguably one of the favored toppings for many Asian desserts and will help you make a mean, milky coffee if you add a spoonful or two to your cup. It also works well in tea, on toast, baked into a cake — condensed milk is just really good. And when mixed in with plain gelatin adds an extra creamy oomph to an otherwise “joke” dish.

I will warn you, however, to carefully check the labels of your gelatin if you are vegetarian — I need to verify but depending on your brand, it may or may not be vegetarian/vegan friendly, so always check on the back! If it’s made of agar-agar you should be good but if not uhhh drop it like it’s hot.

Anyway, now that that’s settled let’s get on to making a revolutionary jello dessert!

Also, be aware that this will take awhile to set: 10 to 15 minutes of fridge sitting in between layers, and then at least 2 hours to set completely. So provide enough time beforehand! But you can definitely make this in time for Oscar night tonight :3

Cast of characters:

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– A box of cherry or strawberry jello

– A box of mango jello, or any other jello flavor you like! (You’ll be adding some droplets of food dye to make it black)

– A can of Sweetened Condensed Milk

– A box of plain gelatin, I’d prefer to get the agar-agar that they use for aninin-dofu but if you can’t find it don’t worry

– Food dye, blue and red mixed with green or any other dark color will get you to “black”

– Nonstick cooking spray

– A glass container to put this all in — trust me glass is better

First spray your glass container with some nonstick cooking spray, and wipe off the excess — it will help out a lot, trust me.

Next you need to make your first layer, your black (The dark of ages past) layer. See, because this layer is the “dark of ages past” we will be burying it down underneath the red blood of the revolutionaries who will bring France into a new world…

… Okay that was too poetic.

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Anyway, just follow the directions on the back of your jello box — with the notable addition of food dye. Just mix in as much red, green, and blue as needed to turn your jello from (in this case) orange to black, then toss it into your prepared glass pan and let it sit in the fridge for an hour.

Now that your kind-of-gross-looking black layer is done, just rinse and repeat for the others!

Now that your kind-of-gross-looking black layer is done, just rinse and repeat for the others!

Next start your condensed milk layer, stir in cold water with your plain jello and set aside. (Note: if you got a gelatin pack that has like, four or more of them, use two for this recipe!) Meanwhile pour in one cup of boiling water to your sweetened condensed milk and afterwards add in your cold-water-plain-jello mixture. Hopefully you’ve timed it well and once you’ve got it all mixed in you can pull out your first angry, red layer, and then add in this creamy mix on top.

Let this layer sit for an hour while you work on your iconic red (The blood of angry men) layer — so just follow the directions on the box of your red jello, throw it in the pan, and then stick it in the fridge to set for another hour.

 Check in on it and then cover in plastic wrap and leave it to sit for at least 2 hours or overnight.

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for — what does liberty and revolution taste like?

Like jello and condensed milk. It’s got a funky texture and it’s sweet enough, and it’s just something fun to pick up with your fingers, yanno? So if you’re still scrambling for something neat and nifty to bring to your Oscar party, consider carrying with you something absurdly patriotic while you barricade yourselves in for an Oscar night!

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Fenrir

A would-be anthropologist, writer, food historian, and professional glutton hoping to combine fandom with her love of food. Ever wondered what a nug tasted like? Is butterbeer alcoholic? If you've asked such questions and are already drooling at the thought of a big old plate of lembas bread, then you're in the right place

Latest posts by Fenrir (see all)

Fenrir

A would-be anthropologist, writer, food historian, and professional glutton hoping to combine fandom with her love of food. Ever wondered what a nug tasted like? Is butterbeer alcoholic? If you've asked such questions and are already drooling at the thought of a big old plate of lembas bread, then you're in the right place

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