The Amazing X-Men just wrapped up their first major story arc with issue #6, featuring the resurrection of Nightcrawler, and the team-up of his parents Azazel and Mystique. This book has REALLY shown some great strength between its characters and plot. I personally have followed it quite religiously from day one. I felt this book could potentially replace Wolverine and the X-Men, as my primary X-Men book.
This week’s issue however…proves I may have been wrong…very wrong…Today we are looking at Amazing X-Men #7!
Unlike the previous issues which seemed to follow a coherent plot, as even issue 6 (technically an epilogue) still connected to the other books, issue 7 completely changes the setting and tone of this book. Immediately looking at this cover, the reader gets an idea for what kind of story we’ll be getting: a reunion, or in the comic’s case UNION of Spider-Man and his AMAZING FRIENDS. If you don’t know what that is, I pity you.
Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends was a cartoon series from the early 1980’s that heavily featured Spider-Man, Iceman, and the new super-heroine, Firestar. It ran alongside the 1980’s Spider-man TV show that spawned all of those ridiculous Spider-Man memes.
Needless to say, the show was ridiculous, and nonsensical. And if you’re looking for a story from a poorly made 1980’s cartoon, then you may be entertained by this book; otherwise, this book makes little if ANY sense.
The basic plot is that Firestar and Iceman are off on a shopping trip to grab food for THE BIG GAME, and amongst their shopping cart they find something they don’t remember buying…a BABY. But not just ANY baby, an ALIEN baby. And not just ANY alien baby, the first-born son to an alien royal family!
Why is this alien baby here? Never explained. Why did it suddenly appear in Firestar’s cart? Barely explained as teleportation. How does the baby teleport? If it can teleport, why doesn’t it teleport home?
The plot holes in this story are bigger than the plot holes from The Dark Knight Rises, and that’s some pretty big shoes to fill!
When they find the baby, they are met by Spider-Man who says he needs to take the baby where it belongs. Both X-Men do not trust Spidey, but are barely willing to listen to him. Spidey eventually explains that the baby has to be exchanged with the parents for a goat that the aliens had kidnapped.
Why does Spider-Man care about a goat? Because he was asked to take care of it. And why you may ask was SPIDER-MAN asked to take care of a goat? Because it is the mascot of one of the teams playing in the BIG GAME.
Clearly this issue was written during the Super Bowl craze of last year after the writer watched one too many episodes of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. This issue makes such little sense, it’s actually insulting. Comic book plots have began to take themselves very seriously over the years, and when something THIS stupid comes along, its honestly really disappointing. For all the insane plots that I praise from books like Deadpool, or Samurai Jack, at least they made sense in the context of their own book. This book had a serious plot and a good team of X-Men, and the writer decided to toss them out because they wanted to write a comic story from the 1980’s.
-The artwork is decent
-the plot completely derails from the previous story arc
-A poorly done “done in one” issue
-Spider-man is treated like a fool (utterly wasted)
-ALIENS (for no reason)
-They never actually tell you whether it’s the Super Bowl or the World Series, and there are mixed signals which make it difficult to say